“dear Gary, in episode 122 you
say at 22 to 24 don’t settle. “What is the settling age? “I thought you should never settle?” – That’s so weird that’s so funny. – That’s coming right from
something he told you. – Yes, yes. What’s interesting is
we just talked about it though how I just said from 20 to 30 that’s funny that’s interesting timing. I think first of all I
think every goddamn answer on this show has to be very personal meaning, if you and your boyfriend or girlfriend. Have a baby when you’re both seventeen because that’s what happened in your life practicality enters your world. – Casey I was just at Casey’s. – That’s exactly right. Practicality comes knocking. What’s up man practicality here. You’re a different 17 year old because you have a child coming. – Something you’re going to know you’re going to have to raise a child. – So for every single
person that’s watching. I think practicality or settling, because they’re cousins they don’t have to be the exact same thing but their cousins in them, comes at different times. I do think. Look I know a lot of 40 to 50 year olds that are still living in outer space and dreaming. And I think there’s diminishing returns at some level around that. Especially if it hasn’t happened already. Unless their happy. Unless their happy. – But isn’t practicality
the thing you dip into because you can be living your dream. Pretending live in fantasy land but you’ve got to pay rent. You’ve got to eat. And sometimes that actually dip into real life. Is what motivates your passion. Those two things they. – That’s Casey’s favorite answer, right? – Is it? Casey’s favorite answer, I think he said in the show was do something you hate. to realize how much you
want to do something else. Go wash dishes like he did. – Unbelievably motivating. – What the thing you did the most, in your life, what’s the thing you did the most that you hated? – I went to school for fucking ever. – Yeah. – Forever. – From six to 18 I hated life. – That’s why I love it so much now. I’m not in fucking English class. – Seriously we got to put a
filter on this culturally. This is a real thing. People are going to college
for all the wrong reasons. Do you need a piece a paper that says you have to have
a piece of paper to cut someone open? I want my doctor to be certified. I want my airline pilot to be certified. Anything else? Why, maybe there’s some value there. If you’re exploring. If you’re trying to figure your shit out schools a reasonable thing. The average person graduates
college at $35,200 in debt. That’s the average. So for everybody who
graduates with only 10 grand, there’s someone who graduates with 50. That’s bullshit. – Preaching. I’ve been pumping out some serious content around this issue. So the answer is it
different for everybody. Some people get practical at 16. They don’t have that risk tolerance. – Or you figure it out. There is a practicality
when you figure out what you want to do. Then you got to get to work. Would you call that practical? – Here’s what I truly think. I think shit is really hitting the fan. The Internet, I don’t know if you’ve heard of it obviously all of us have, it’s only 20 years old. I know it’s been around for a long time. I know there’s nerds that say, I know. I mean when Windows 95 came out, normal people started
going on the Internet we are 20 years into this thing. This thing is fundamentally
the biggest culture shift of our time.
– For sure. – They’ve changed everything. We’re just starting and all the rules need to be thought about in a very aggressive way because there’s so many
alternatives to the way that we always thought. The amount of people that go to college Because that’s what their parents want because their parents were
sold on the propaganda of college before that– – It’s literally about
their ego most of the time. – 100 percent. – My son went to this, went to this. – I made a shirt called Shmarvard. That is literally my
number one selling t-shirt. It’s not even close. – I saw it. Is it blue? – Yes, yes. India? – I didn’t know the story that’s good. – [Voiceover] Isham asked,

“a lot, but what cost did you
have to pay to get here now?” – Peter, you worked really hard. – That’s a great, I would
say, at the end of the day, there doesn’t have to be a
cost, and I really believe that. – Hmm, you got everyone’s attention. – You’re talking to a guy
who kind of spent a career maybe averaging a number
of hours say almost 6-1/4 to 6-1/2 days a week, 12-14 hours average days, over an entire career, having said that– – You’re giving a lot of
insight to why Lizzy is able to deal with my insanity. – Beyond multitasking
and learning how to do all this stuff, when again,
you take a deep breath along the way, step back, the
things that make a difference, and the things that count
that you want to focus on, to me, family first,
and so I always planned. I was traveling a lot, half my
career was in the consulting business, and I traveled a
lot, but I always tried to do day trips to get back
in time for a late dinner, whatever, be there when
the kids took baths, managed little league teams, my son– – How was Alex Kline as a
little league baseball player? – He was all defense. (laughing) A little offense, but — – Yes, on the record Alex eat it. – He held his own, and he was a starter. – Okay, all defense. – You make time and you
try to balance it out, so I don’t know if there were
any real trade offs on a day in and day out basis, doesn’t have to be. If you let what your focused
on solely run your life, there will be usually
people, family, relationship trade offs. – I fully believe in that. I think that the practical
level is that probably you and I got to spend a little less time, what we gave up was our
passion for business or our careers, probably
came at the expense of some other potential, hobbies, and other leisures, that it didn’t come at the expense
of the family, but you maybe never developed your
golf game, or your tennis game, or fishing, or other
things that could have been interesting to you in your life. – That’s good enough. – That’s what I can feel. I mean I’ve got the Jets,
so I’ve got a thing for me, but I definitely, I would be
very interested in all these other little things, but I
punt them for the business. – Great point, may or may
not be necessarily relevant I think because again, when
you step back and in business, we make a point in the
book, which is by the way Think to Win– – This is the best. – Strategic Thinking (mumbles). – Link that up boys, let’s
make sure we link that up. – Amazon, 23 testimonials from– – This is awesome. – With that said, life,
personal, business, relationships, is about making choices– – 100%. – And so there’s always choices
to be made, and if you get your top 2 or 3 priorities
right, the order of magnitude of the next level of
those kind of choices, maybe you know, are not as relevant. – That’s right. – If you try to be too much– – That’s right. – Too many, you run in to a stone wall. – Let me close this with
something that I think will connect with the audience
because it’s a truth and it’s something I admire tremendously. I know this dude very well. This man’s retired, from
the day you retired, I visit him in Florida and
different things of that nature, his retirement hustle
is substantially stronger than a lot of people that I
know’s work ethic in their normal environment. I look at you and I get
pumped because I’m like cook, if Peter can retire like
that, which means, oh I don’t

myself, what was the most
important thing you did in your 30s to change your future? – PK why don’t you take that. He’s about to turn 30. – That’s a great question,
and the answer is, I took a deep breath, stepped back,
and I said to myself, where did I kind of want to be in the next 10 to 20 years then. I actually was working at Gillette. I worked there twice and
this was 72-78 and I took a step back and I said you
know, I wanted to be in a position between the ages
of 32 to 35, where I can make a decision to either stay
corporate America on a fast track and doing all those things etc. or shift gears and go into
a small start up, or smaller business environment and write
a couple of my own patents. A bit of an entrepreneurial
spirit, but I wasn’t in a position where I really had those choices. I wasn’t getting
inundated by smaller start ups or new ventures. I so I said you know what,
and I love Gillette they were doing great, and they were
by me and everything that counted, and I said
you know, I gotta get into the New York area, and I
made a decision to move into New York, with a large company
whom I communicated with and said hey for 3 to 5 years,
I’m gonna beat the bushes and see if I want to stay
or go into small business. So that’s kind of when I
stepped back and I said and the rest is history. – That’s cool. So, Peter was there, because
I married Lizzy when I was 28, turned 29 on our wedding night, and so he saw this, which a
lot of you have heard before, which is right at 30 I kind of
freaked out a little bit and started really putting
the pedal to the metal, started Wine Library TV right
after it, and as much as I worked and as intensely
as I worked in my late 20s, 30 started the process of this
insanity that I’m executing against now. So, I just wanna buy the
Jets, but I didn’t think I was going fast enough, and so I
also took a step back and said where am I gonna be in 10 or
20 years, let me make sure my behavior maps it. So, I think if you’re entering
your 30s, I think it’s really smart to think about your 40s and 50s. – So what Gary does on
intuition and gut, and heart, and passion, I kind of did
over my career, maybe in a little more disciplined,
little more balanced, left brain, right brain way,
and it was a driver of why we decided to write the
book, Think to Win, was to try to bring some very
simple concepts and how tos in the world of strategy
and execution to folks who are working in small,
medium, large, companies, public or private, even in
the not for profit sector, where they can take a step
back and say hey look, here are a few principles,
a few how tos, to get folks aligned, fact based– – Yep. – Not myth based, and get
aligned on key issues, key opportunities, and how do we execute. Yogi Berra, who I was a
big fan of, and yes I do have a signed picture from
Don Larson and Yogi Berra. – Cause all of you were curious. – Curious of that, who said,
“A good batter will always be “a good pitcher, and vice versa.” – He is the best. – I’m a believer in good
strategy always drives good execution, and vice
versa, and that’s kind of what this book is about,
a more disciplined way to kind of those how tos to let some power strategic thinking can work. – Tremendous right hook
Peter, let’s go India. – [Voiceover] Ryan asks, “How
do you deal with drama in “the workplace, and how do
you avoid having more drama?”

“on always wanting more in life? “Good, bad, and why?” – That’s a really good question. My point of view on this is both. Always wanting more in life seriously while being very very content
and happy at the same time. That’s what I am. You know, this is
something you may not know. Though I would be disappointed, and my ego, boy my ego
which is a nice part of me, would really take a hit,
if a little weird genie showed up right now, weird genie, got it? Boom! If the weird genie said to me, “Hey Gary, I’m the weird
genie of the future. “Bad news, you’re not
going to grow anymore! “This is it, you’ve plateaued!” I’d be like, oh! Like a big shot. But I’d be like, all right. Like, to me, like, I’ve
had a great run already. Like, I’ve done really well. And many people would be really happy to have these professional
accolades and successes as their entire life’s work. That would rip my heart
out of my body right now if that were to be true. You don’t have to animate
them ripping my heart out. No Mortal Kombat shit here. But it is probably
surprising to some of you because I don’t talk about it as much how content I actually am. And so my point of view on
it is a very strong balance of happiness and content
with what you’ve got while being very hungry and striving for real real victories and upside and the climb and the game. And so that’s where I’m at. And as you can imagine, as you’re probably listening to this, that makes me very happy. Like, it’s probably a big
reason I’m so damn happy. It’s a nice place to be.

“or quarters and elevate the team “to the level only Gary could. “The owner has to see some
value in your methods. “Seems like this might be something “more realistic and attained sooner. “Is it all or nothing?” – James, it’s all or nothing mainly because the owner’s not interested. I mean, Woody Johnson is a billionaire. He’s doing his thing. He’s not outwardly reaching out to me. He’s rolling in going about his merry way. And that’s that. And he’s in control of that situation. I’m not worried about it. I’m focusing on what I can control, which is amass enough wealth and power and opportunity and narrative
and leverage and branding to give me the best shot
to actually pull this off. And so that’s why. Plus I would never go in for an ask. Right, I would never be like “Hello Mr. Johnson, why don’t you “sell me 25% of the company”
or things of that nature. Just not in me. I’m going to take it if I deserve it. I’ll get it if I’m good enough. And so I’m focusing
every piece of my energy doing things to put me in that position because the amount of luck and serendipity that has to happen for me
to even get that at bat, literally the passing of the company on, whatever Woody decides to do with it, hopefully, hopefully he
owns it his whole life and hopefully he lives
for a very long time and hopefully because I’m much younger I’m there in a position
to make that purchase if his family doesn’t
want to hold onto it. So there’s just a million
different variables that come into play that
have to fall into place but I just need to focus
on what I can control and really for everybody,
that’s the biggest thing. Way too many of you, and I’ve been really digging into my community in
the last three or four days. A lot of, this has actually turned into a really good question. A lot of you just worrying
about shit you can’t control. Like, it’s unbelievable. I don’t know what’s the matter with you. Like you can’t control it, the end. Like it’s not super complicated. You can’t control the weather. You can’t. Like, people literally
crying that it rained during their like flea market or food fair or I don’t remember exactly what it was. Like, okay. But like, like, and then
like, then I was like okay maybe it was just a single rant. But like seven tweets, I’m like wha. Like it rained. Like Mother Nature (censored) you. Take it like a woman. And like, you know, and so, you know. I just don’t believe in crying over things you can not control. And so I just think about
the things I can control and so please try to take this answer and understand how important it is to not dwell but instead reverse it and think about what you can
be doing during that time. You know if it rained, when it rained during times I’ve done flea markets, I packed up and went dollar
store and Toys R Us shopping. You know, I didn’t just
sit there and take my rain.

“but often wears us down. “Do you ever pamper yourself “like maybe go in for a
pedicure or manicure?” – Minnie Mouse? No, Mini. I was hoping. Mini, do I ever pamper myself? Not in the cliche like
I bite all my nails. My nails are a disaster. Now that I’ve been
working out for 15 months Mike makes me do massages
because I need them at times and I like it, it’s nice. It’s a good thing. No, I’m not really into,
not the cliche things. I pamper myself by doing whatever I want at all times always. So I would call that
the ultimate pampering. So that feels good. That to me I think is, by the way, that, you know what, that might have been a
very interesting moment. If you want to talk about
what the best outcome of being a successful
entrepreneur, it’s that. The money is really fine. The admiration is fine. There’s nothing close than knowing that I could just get up right and just, like, you know, like you noticed before, like I slammed India’s laptop and she’s like “great
you have no questions.” And I’m like “Great.
Great. What? “What are you going to do about it India?” So you know, like, I like that. I like being able to do what I want. I don’t know what that just was. If I want to get up for a second I’m going to get up for a second. I think the way I pamper
myself is if I do want to, if I want to turn my
40th upcoming birthday into a family celebration,
I can afford to do that. That feels incredible. And so I pamper myself by the experiences. Going to London in a couple
of hours to watch a Jets game. That’s my pampering. Doing the things that make me happy. But, you know, I don’t get excitement out of a two hour pedicure
where I unwind and read gossip. But many people do. I walk around New York City and watch it happen 74,000 times a day. So, cool, awesome, do your thing. So, you know, I don’t, you know. I’m trying to make my
life a pampering moment.

“and everyone froze to
figure out who did it, “do you have an embarrassing moment?” (laughs) – I do have an embarrassing moment story. In second grade, this is a
classic, it’s one of the moments I realize how amazing my mom was. I’ll get to that punch line at the end. Mom, I know you’re watching these shows, I don’t know when the last
time you thought about this was ’cause we don’t talk about it a lot. In second grade, just a
normal day in second grade, just doing my thing, we got
to the Pledge of Allegiance and we got to the Pledge of
Allegiance and I really had to go to the bathroom. And so, I’ve been known, my whole– Man, into like 13, 14, 15 I would hold, if I had to pee, I would
hold my pee-pee to make sure I wouldn’t pee. So, in second grade I’m doing
that because I have to go to the bathroom. And I’m at my desk. And remember the desks
that had the whole thing? You know, like, you had
the chair, you had to go in like this, you had to go in
like this, and then the desk was here, right? So, I’m to the right of
it, there’s the part here, and we have to do the
Pledge of Allegiance. And so, because I guess I
didn’t realize I could hold my pee-pee with my left
hand, but when I went for the right hand, I decided to press
my pee-pee against the chair. This is a true story, by the way, to make sure I wouldn’t pee. This was unsuccessful and
I peed all over my desk and all over my pants. And obviously, everybody heard the pee, everybody looks back, unlike a fart– Yes, Matt? Do I get my new phone? – Yes. – Awesome don’t– – Don’t what? – Last time we had a weird bet. Yes, obviously, unlike a fart where
you could be like India did it, this was pretty obvious. I think I was wearing
light pants, you know? And so I had to go to the
nurse and I went home and when my mom picked me up she
told me the story of how my dad once peed in class. Which I found out later was not true, but she tried to make me feel better. Big kudos to Mrs. Zosnuski
second grade class. I am flabbergasted of how
little flak I had to take for that event. I went home, changed, came back to school. Good job with my mom, too,
not letting me do what I wanted to do, which was stay home. I was stunned by the lack
of being made fun of for it. A lot of maturity in that
1983, 84 second grade class. So, that is my embarrassing story moment. – [India] Good story. – Feels like there could be
a really funny visual T-shirt

“just broke up, and I’m
feeling really depressed. “For the last four years,
I’ve had someone to talk to “about literally everything in
my life, and now that’s gone. “It’s hard to believe that
a four year relationship “ended in 20 minutes. “I was saving and planning
on proposing to her “in the next few months, and
now that’s not gonna happen. “I feel empty, I feel
a void, I feel blank. “Got any advice on how “to pick the pieces of my life back up?” – Jesus. (laughs) You couldn’t have warned
me this was coming? Well, ya know, I mean,
if this was my buddy, the first thing I would
desperately try to do is I always feel like the
quickest cure for heartbreak off a long-term relationship
is a scummy move of hooking up with as
many girls as possible. I think it helps in a weird way. I really do. I think,
I really do think it helps. So I think, there’s only
meaningful relationships and then kind of like the
vanity of relationships when you break this down, and so he’s coming from a meaningful place and I think the vanity of it all, like the one, the one
micropositive that guys cliche will think about in this moment is, “Well, I can hook up with chicks,” and I think you have to go all in on that. That will last for about three
weeks to three months of fun and is a softener. I think you need to recognize
that you got off easy. I don’t know if it’s Bronx Tale or one of those gangster movies where the guy owes the kid, the kid owes the kid 20 bucks, and he goes and chases him,
and then the gangster grabs him and goes, “You got off easy. “You found out he was a
scum bucket for 20 bucks.” You know, brother, I
gotta be honest with you. I think you got off easy. I mean, it’s a hell of a lot
better that you didn’t propose, that she was, I give her credit. She, a lot of people, a lot of people mail it in and get married to
people that they ultimately aren’t fully 100% infatuated,
in love, and for full life, and I think people are mailing in. Now that divorce is so easy, I think that people just kinda do it, and I actually think, in a
weird way, you got lucky, and I actually give her a lot of credit that she, after a four and
a half year relationship, had the backbone and the guts
to go through a tough process I’m sure for her as well. And so I actually think you
look at this as a positive. I’m an optimist. It’s easy for me to say, but I think at some level,
you take a step back and recognize as much as it hurts now, it would have been tougher and hurt more to unwind after marriage or, what’s so difficult for so
many, after having children which creates such a different dynamic and becomes extremely difficult. And so, you know, there’s
not much I can say that’s gonna make it
feel a whole lot better. Maybe just talking it out and getting the question on the show. The e-mail was asking
for it to be on the show? Or are we just taking somebody’s random? Oh it just, it came in, OK. So, that’s it man. I think, go hook up with some chicks to ease the pain for a few minutes, and then take a step back and
recognize it’s a positive, and then try to learn from the experience and find out the qualities
you really loved in her and try to replicate them in
the next relationship you have, and you know, maybe even find the things that you didn’t like as much in her and try to close the gap and find somebody you love even more.

“I’ve been hustling since the age of 14.” “I now work 12, maybe 15 hours a day.” “I love what I do, but
sometimes I fear my drive” “works against me,
particularly when it comes to” “getting in the way of
relationships with friends.” “How do you deal with that?” “I can’t switch off.” – Yeah, I mean, this is something
I struggle with as well, I mean when you’re on 24/7-365,
it’s difficult to shut down, it’s difficult to
change from in the zone to in the zone, I don’t, and it works in reverse, too,
and I’m sure, right, like right now it’s hard for
me to re-trigger back into the work zone off the high of the sports brain
that I was rolling with over the weekend. Look, I think that actions speak louder than words. And if these relationships matter to you, you’re gonna figure out how to hack and figure it out. It’s as simple as that, there’s
just nothing else to say. Hello. And so, you know, you’ve got to put in the work. You’ve got to learn how
to shut down, I mean sometimes it takes
an hour, two hours, three hours, four hours. Maybe some sort of routine, you know working out has been a good transition period for me, you know. That’s worked for me in the past, or in the recent times. Something that lets you transition. Or what I tend to do… Hey, little man… – Oh, sorry. – No, no worries. I think that another thing that I did that was kind of strategic was I rated and ranked my relationships and then when I was segueing
into off of work mode into a weekend or the holidays, I would actually schedule meetings according to what I thought of them, so like, my mom would be later than maybe a solid friend. Because then I’d feel
like I was in the rhythm of that zone, so. I think you’ve gotta hack
and make it work for you, but your actions are louder
than your words, meaning you can’t have the excuse
of, “My brain is always on.” It means that you’ve chosen your business, your entrepreneurship and your ambition over those relationships. Which, by the way, and this is not super popular, I find that to be okay. I don’t think it’s noble. I don’t think it’s nice. It’s just a reality. And there’s a lot of people that do it. You know, especially as you look higher and higher up the pyramid. You look at the Oprahs and the Michael Jordans. You know. These are the choices
that people make, and so I think you’ve gotta make yours, and I think that you
need to live your life and not take the judgment
of all these people. However, you know, just accomplishing your goals, the monies, the sports teams, whatever they are, to have that by yourself,
and not to share that with the people you love the most, I think is a fairly lonely
place, and you need to keep that into serious consideration. – [Voiceover] Sahil asks,

and what that means to you, and
how that personal definition affects your relationships. – That’s a very good question. I actually, this one is
actually very easy for me. It’s something that I got to in my mind. Love is very easy for me. Love, to me, is actually
shifting your brain or your feelings into
a place where you value the other person more than yourself. Like, the people that I love, I truly, truly, in general, I’m a
pretty empathetic, like, you know, really care
about the other person’s point of view, and how do I bring value, but that whole 51 49
thing that I talk about from a business standpoint, which, a lot of you know what I’m referring to, but people that are
watching for the first time, or others that don’t know is,
hey, give 51% of the value in the relationship, you’ll always win. When it comes to the people that I love, I’m very comfortable in being at 100 zero. When I make that shift, when
I fell in love with Lizzie, to my kids, my parents, my siblings, Brandon, my best friend
who runs Wine Library, those core couple of people
that I would say I love, I’m very comfortable in providing the entire value in the relationship. That, it’s crazy, the more I love you, and this has actually been something that I’ve struggled with in my life, but it is absolutely how I define love. The more I love you down the chain is the more that I, is the level of which I want less from you. So, like, the people I love the most, I literally don’t want anything from. I wanna provide so much
disproportionate value, I want to never make myself a burden or something they think
they need to deliver on, and I want it to be, I wanna
be the first person they call, and the person that they most rely on, and trust in the world. And as my love goes down, that
goes down to just maybe even. That’s how I define it.