– Yes. – and if you can
give me, I don’t know, quick three–
– Yep. – things to help build
their self-confidence I’d appreciate it. – So, here’s, you know, I’m really trying to
figure out this answer. So let me give just a whole
diarrhea of the mouth of like the things that run
through my mind, okay? – [Alenna] Okay. Shoot. – The first
thing my mom did talk, I’ll talk about things my mom
and I’ll talk about some of the ways I interpret it now that
I have other things that I’ve looked at and thought
about and having my own kids. She over-exaggerated when I did very kind
and noble things. Like when I opened the
door for a woman at McDonald’s, I’ll never forget this in
North Brunswick when I opened a door for this woman when
I was like eight and was just being polite and
like she treated it as if I won the Nobel Peace Prize. So she went ballistic over
the top on me being kind and empathetic and respectful and so that was huge. The other thing she did was she
never did that though when it was an actual life thing. So like when my
baseball team lost, my baseball team lost. When I got D’s and F’s on my
report card even though she knew I was going to be successful,
she punished me. So she didn’t give out eighth
place trophies in a world where that would be the way
the world worked, right? – [Alenna] Right. – But she just genuinely made me
feel like I was unstoppable and like was capable of
anything that I wanted to do and she believed it and
because she believed it and she instilled it constantly. It was constant offense, right? And so I just think that you
need to look at your three kids, you need to audit them, you need
to figure out what their strong at and you need to make 98%
of the conversation around the things that they’re strong at.
– [Alenna] Awesome. – Instead of doing
what was almost most every other parent does which is
spend 85% on the 2% they’re not, spend 98% on what they are. – [Alenna] Love it.
Awesome. – Every parent worries
about some kid trying like, “You need to be
better at math, Sally.” No she doesn’t. Do you know what I mean?
She needs to be capable. You’d probably like your
kids to be able to count, right? – [Alenna] Right. – But they don’t need to
be a fucking geometry whiz. Especially if they gravitate
towards humming 28 hours a day. (DRock laughs) Do you know what I mean?
– [Alenna] Yes. Absolutely! – Do me a favor,
don’t listen to, the biggest thing
that hurts parents is they listen to other parents. They listen to other teachers. They listen to the market and those people
don’t know your kids. It’s you and your
kids against the world, do you understand?
– [Alenna] Right. – And too many parents think it’s the world
versus their kids. – [Alenna] Well said.
– Yeah. So that’s it audit them. Really try to figure them
out and don’t think of cliches of like they spend all
their time on the phone, good news,
the phones the future of the way everything
will work in life. – [Alenna] (laughs) Yeah. – Do you know what I mean?
– [Alenna] Absolutely. – But make them respect if
you’re going to give them that gift of tripling down on their
strengths and allowing them to flourish in the world, make
them respect the alternatives. They don’t have to
pander to it but they have to understand why it exists. Some kids need school structure. Some kids aren’t gonna
be whiz kid entrepreneurs. Some kids path is to become
a lawyer make $130,000 a year. Some kids, geez, some kids are
just gonna make $40,000 a year and work at Walmart and that’s
okay too but they need to get a high school
degree to get that job. Know your kid and make every one of your kids feel great about
what they’re gonna be. AJ felt great ’cause he was
the best student in the family. I felt great because I was the most entrepreneurial
and charismatic. My sister felt great because she
was absolutely the feistiness and had the strongest will. Make them feel
great about their thing, don’t make them feel bad that
they’re not the star athlete or the nerdiest or can make money. Just build self-esteem. – [Alenna] Yeah,
let them teach us. – 100%. But as long as
they understand, you know, checks and balances.
Got it? – [Alenna] Yep, got it.

confrontation with people
whenever you aren’t really sure. So like, for example– – Yeah, let’s go
right to the details. – [Matt] Yeah, for an example,
I’ve had issue before where a best friend and my
current girlfriend got into an argument together.
– Yep. – [Matt] And it
just tore me apart. I didn’t know how to
deal with something like that. – Yeah, so I think, one thing
that I’ll jump in because I want to get some other calls in. I will say this. I think it’s
important for the people, so the people around me know
that confrontation that has no value is a deal breaker for me. It was funny what raced
through my head which is both my girlfriend and my best
friend wouldn’t have liked the way I would have dealt
with it if it was not valid. If they were just,
you guys are young people, if it was just dumb shit that we
were complaining about or having a real confrontation about,
I would have leveled up, I would have had one
conversation with both and said, “Why are we fighting over
our trip to Disney together?” Like if it’s
completely meaningless, I would have created the
context that it’s meaningless. If it was something
serious, then I would have, I’d made a decision on what
I believe and the truth is the way I deal with confrontation
and something you should think about is I think it’s a
strength to not want to have negativity in your life
and so I deal with it with one conversation and it’s a one
strike policy on confrontation with me in a world where I have
80 strikes in everything else. And if they’re not able to
adjust to what matters to me in that then I just kind of move
on and I mean that by the way. – [Matt] Dude, yeah.
No, 100%. – Just be fair
with them, be fair, be empathetic but literally
unless you’re madly deeply in love and she’s the
girl that you have to marry. Like I’m very
aggressive with my friends. I didn’t lose friendships
over this by the way. This is a line in the sand that
I created and so people realized they had to level up
their emotional intelligence and actually what they cared about
if they wanted to be around me. I really pressured my inner
circle to care about things that mattered because so much shit is
bad if you’re willing to think about it that way or it’s great
if you’re willing to think about it that way. (crosstalk)
Go ahead. – [Matt] It’s ridiculous.
– Yeah, of course. – [Matt] …the adult world
because they don’t have that higher level thinking–
– Hey, hey, hey. I have real bad
news for you, youngster. – [Matt] Let’s hear it. – The college
mentality trickles into 30, 40, 50, 60 and 70-year-olds. Just ’cause they’re older
doesn’t mean they’re any smarter about the way the
world really works. – [Matt] You’re so right. – Alright, man, take care. Love ya, see ya, bye. Alright, give me another number. I mean that’s it, DRock. You know, actually in these
breaks on The #AskGaryVee Show as they set up the call it’s a
good opportunity for me to just not interact with the
person but add the bow. So here’s what it is my friends,
whether running a business, whether running your
relationships one of the things that’s been fascinating to me
is watching the evolution of the people that are closest
to me including this team. Like watching Courtney evolve
over next year is going to be super fascinating because I’m so
aggressive around the emotional things that I care about. Tyler, you care way less about things than
you used to, right? And you’re pretty and you
have that skill naturally. Oh, we got somebody.
– [Chris] No. – ‘Kay. Get your
shit together, youngster. But you have to, I assume
you have to now put things into context better than you did even though that was a
strength of yours. Why? – Because there’s just not time
for shit that doesn’t matter. – You just can’t even get to it.
– Yeah. It’s just you realize what
you should spend your time and energy on and what you shouldn’t and 99% of the
stuff just doesn’t matter. – I love the quotes.
I love the quotes. I mean it is. There is that piece of content
that I put out that 99% of things don’t matter and
everybody hits me up in the comments and talks
about what do you mean? That’s what I mean. I mean you would be
flabbergasted if you gave a lot of thought to how much time you
spend on things that at a macro level aren’t bringing any
value and I want to belittle the argument or the confrontation
that a girlfriend or best friend at 20, you ready? At 22 have with
each other but I just, – Yo, this is GaryVee and
you’re on The #AskGaryVee Show.

– Gary, what’s going on? It’s Captain Cory
from CaptCory.tv and the Captain’s Vlog on YouTube. I’m in the back of the airplane
because it’s more quiet but I got a couple
questions for you. First off, Gary aside for your
incredible interpersonal skills, what would you say is the most
important leadership quality that you deploy amongst
those that you lead? And the second part
of that question, what are two important
leadership qualities that we as young leaders can develop
that’ll make us more effective as leaders and have a greater
influence and make a bigger difference amongst those? Appreciate all you do.
Love the show. I’m not watching as much any
more ’cause I’m grinding and hustling but love it.
Love what you do, man. If you ever need
a ride too, man, let me know. – That’s good. That’s my big thesis
by the way, Oliver. Unlike a lot of people, I actually want my audience
of people to decline– – Sure. – because I want to inspire
people to actually go do. – Right. – The amount of
reading all our books, watching all our stuff,
that’s fine and I like that. – Yep. My tagline’s always
been I get shit done. Just get it done. – You’ve been a successful
leader in your companies, what’s the biggest thing
that has really worked for you? – I think being humanistic which
is a word that I don’t think many people, especially
in this country, use. But there’s a real value
to putting humans first. And it sounds so trite but
there’s a real value to having empathy and putting humans
first and looking at them from a perspective that you can
say, how do I help you grow? What is both this sympathy parts
and the nourishment parts that are going to help you realize
your potential as a person? And I’ve started
seven companies now and made a lot of mistakes. Human resources is the hardest
thing to do at scaling a company because I always make
the joke they are neither a resource nor human,
human resources. And so–
– That’s why the head of mine is called Chief Heart
Officer, Claude. Claude is the number two person in this company
and everybody knows it. It is the foundation at
Vayner because we sell people. – Yep, exactly and so, I mean
you’re in a service business, in a content business so
that makes sense and so I think taking a lens of humanism has
been the biggest gift for me. It’s one of the reasons
I moved to Iceland. You have a humanistic society that doesn’t punish people
for their weaknesses. – I like that. – You have no poverty,
you have no homelessness. You have reform
instead of prison. Big, important things especially
coming from a place like Mississippi where I was born. You look at that and
that’s a place where people are not
treated like humans. There are systems in place. I remember with American Express
we made a movie called “Spent” about payday lenders in America. Talk about your
audience and the pains. That’s $1 trillion business
in America that is parasitic. – Yep. – It adds no value to
the system whatsoever. In Iceland, a human human right is to be able to
access your money. – Sure. – Here we have the basic
principles of our economy are inaccessible in my hometown to
80% of the people have to go to a payday lender and a check
cashing place and spend a percentage of their income just to take just to be able
to spend their money. That is not humanistic. That is counter to anything that will help a system
grow and evolve. – I couldn’t agree
more with the human– – Not to rant about
payday lenders but fuck– – but it’s a valid point and
I think from my standpoint it’s listening and
it’s self-awareness. I think the biggest mistake
charismatic CEOs make is they try to fake the funk and act
like they know everything. – Mhmmm. – I always feel like I think
I know everything and lot of you leave
comments about ego. Only ’cause I stay in my lane. There’s a very narrow
world where I’m very good. I tend to never go out of it. You notice how
I have social media and business people
on the show. This is not a healthcare expert. We’re not talking about
hair dying activities. This is not, nobody’s gonna be
on the show talking about how to raise cattle because I’m not
gonna put myself in a position where I do not know what
the fuck I am talking about. – Right. – And so being all-in on what
you know and then being very empathetic and listening and deploying humility against
the things you don’t know. People pick up on
that real, real, real fast. Because when you come across
somebody that works for you that does know the thing that
your bullshitting about and you bullshit it,
you just lost a winner. – Yep.
– You’ve just lost a winner. – It’s about building
that trusted relationship at every level of all of this. – I got to get the
hell out of here.

– What’s up GaryVee? Coach Kozak here and I just
like to get your thoughts on friendships of a fellow hustler,
grinder out here in the shed 24/7 working.
– I like the shed. – And I want to know at this
point in time in your life and your career do
even make time– – I want a shed. – just to have those couple of
friends that are always nagging me throughout the day. Asking me if I’ve seen
this TV show or that TV show. I’m mean at what point are just
being rude or do you have to just tell these guys to, “Hey I don’t have
time for friends today.” – Look I love my friends and
I actually wish I spent more time with my friends. I mean the fact of the matter is
during the day outside of Jets friends during Jets season
I don’t communicate with anybody about anything until that day’s
wrapped up and I’ll catch up. You know, I think way too many
people are trying to be cool. What the name? Jonathan?
– [Dunk] Joshua. – Joshua, I think too many
people are trying to be cool and being like, “Yo, I don’t got
time for fucking ‘House of Cards’,” or like
following the life. I don’t think there’s any, ever a time to like
rag on your friends. I think in my mind I rag on my
friends because but to actually I want to be polite
and I want to give them love. I think it’s super important
to be empathetic to a million different lifestyles and if
anything I’m trying to work hard as a matter of fact I think
I emailed Tyler the other day and I think I’m seeing a bunch
of my high school friends in the city next Thursday
or this Thursday. You know, I don’t know. I mean like they’re your
friends for a reason, right? I think a lot of people are
struggling with the definition between friends
and acquaintances. I think acquaintances that want
you to watch “Game of Thrones” and play fucking Madden I think
if you really want something bad are probably an interesting thing to cut out or
navigate around. I think friends you need to be
there for all the time and try to fight for those relationships
because that brings as much value as building the
biggest business in the world.

“I’d like to know what you
feel makes a great teacher?” – I think what makes a great
teacher is one that doesn’t impose what they want the
student to learn but the person that actually audits
the student and understands where to point them. A counter puncher, per se, more
so than somebody who’s got a strict blueprint and
whether or not you fit into that blueprint is irrelevant. I, teacher Rick, am going to
make you go down this path and this is what you have to learn
and I think it’s a huge mistake. It’s my biggest problem
with curriculum in traditional schooling. It does not account
for the creative. The over smart the
slightly different. And what it’s trying to do is
to create an 80% of these type of output workers. And the 20% either pro or con
get kind of left along the way. And so I think a
great teacher listens. And a great teacher reacts and
a great teacher deploys empathy and understands there’s other
things can sniff out there’s problems at home if you’re in
the younger years or as an older I feel like I’m a teacher and
I feel like one of the biggest things that I try to say all
the time is I’m just telling you what works for me, please don’t,
I don’t tell you have to work 18 hours a day. I don’t tell you you
have to do anything. I tell you that
this is what works. These are some theories and
use the context around that. I think a teachers need a
lot more listening skills and adjustment to the reality versus
how they were taught or what they’re trying to
accomplish by year’s end. By year’s end, these
23 students are going to know how to do multiplication.
It’s so tactical. It doesn’t feel like a teacher
at all and I question and I push and I prod and I poke and I battle a lot of my
teaching friends of are you just checking
the box for your eight months a year job to get it through to
hit tenure to be in a union that never creates any vulnerability
or are you actually trying to teach these kids? And I hope everyone
understands I’m not pumped I’m not cynical against
teachers. I don’t think teachers, I don’t. I think a lot of times,
sometimes people when they hear micro answers from me think
I’m tough on teachers or this and that nature,
I’m mad at the game. I wish teachers got
paid $400,000 year. I send my kids to private
school I spent a lot of money. I don’t like the system that a
lot of people K-12 have to play within and I think a lot of
those talented teachers could be doing unbelievable things
and I’m so excited show the computer. Not that computer, by the
time it actually happens, I’m so excited actually
it’s probably contact lenses I’m so excited for this. Because so many of the great
teachers in the world won’t have to play within the confines of
the politics of the traditional school system and will teach, be
way more profitable and make a much bigger and this is a big
one make much bigger impact on their students lives. – [Voiceover] Ben asks, “Would
you consider adopting children?”

which conditions is advisable I think
it’s advisable under several conditions condition number one where you want when
he started a blog really it was eighty-nine as an email newsletter yep
so do the math a long time ago then I met Joey dough
and switch to TypePad you know what some blogging before that but I can’t find a
where it is and then after I met you ito I’ve been doing it as relentless as I
could there was a period was five bucks a day and then I realized it wasn’t
helping me where the reader so now it’s been one today for a really long time so
the if you want to develop to get to the deputy the best at something you gonna
have to say no to a lot of things you know it’s super important super
important and so on Twitter came along I thought I could be pretty good at this
cause I’m early but I would have to use my blogging time to be pretty good at
this so better well I spend 10 hours a day thinking
about the next blog post a bunch but you don’t see most of them when he just like
kill him know stick around you might like when you’re spending 10 hours a day
in four weeks we spent hours in a ship and recall that’s why I think every
image double block even if you don’t put your name everyday write something that you
willing to put in the world so that a week from now on a month no new year
from now you can look back at it I said this I predicted his little as a
youngster you like writing and I like talking
about ideas I like helping change happen there was a time in the middle of the 18
books when the thought of sitting down and going to the practice of writing a
book really engaged me but I’d rather look someone in the eye and talk to them
then what about public speaking we’ve got to do a couple of months I hate
flying there love being a major on and then you’re off their rules can’t bring on you know chimpanzee
marching band you can you let you slide rules go beyond that can throw things
into the audience and stuff but that’s too many variables so back to India’s
question yes let me go see president in his book The War of our talks about the
resistance in Lebanon yeah I do ya like how many books do you read well I get
two or three a day in the mail and I read them until I get the joke and then
I stopped at 2000 she says but sometimes you don’t need to be there may be asked
for it gives you don’t mention that sounds a little pre ordered that book
will probably take me more than 15 minutes to get the joke it’s just rich
and layered in a lifetime ago insight you don’t say yeah but there are
other books like if the other did a good job in five pages you get the point you
trust that the rest of it is proven and now you can go on to the next thing I’m
not going to last for you fictionwise there was a book of whiskey
Tango Foxtrot hysterical brilliant funny science fiction and it’s about you
you’re in it you don’t like the devil character yeah he’s a handsome yes yeah but the best thing to say but that’s all
i care parts of that I’m in any way and then there there’s a really great book
about novel about Marcel Duchamp’s work called the bride was stripped bare by
her bachelor’s even yeah that’s really juicy book is fired up to go and then
but non-fiction wise I’m just constantly amazed at how generous authors artists
authors no you can’t make a living writing books but they do it anyway question I’m real money out of town on
Sunday as it shot shot at the way to the punch line is this piece than 20 years opposite course did you say you can be a
meaningful specifically said when your have ever walked out of the show yes cause I could go second I have
something important to adhere go ahead I just you know what I’m just glad he was
my friend generality and the problem with most social media is your not the
customer you were the product it was optimized to make you anxious and to use
it to get with optimized to extract from you nervous energy not productive output
so most people fall into it are checking one less time checking this posting that
liking this why to keep them from doing important work which I was watching
television but here’s where we disagree a little bit I mean like like they’ll
stick here for a second India who thought that all of a sudden MySpace and
Friendster Facebook and Twitter came along and took us away from all this
mass important or so let’s start with Clay Shirky Clay Shirky pointed out up that Wikipedia got built a decrease
in television viewing billion hours invested in building Wikipedia came from
GV it could have come from reading know he can show that it is great book came
from TV you put it shipping everybody’s who talked about this with me but you
can’t deny this scholars work without examining it is a wait yeah i know i
think thats fair and I think you’re right about that I do believe an
enormous amount of internet behavior at the at the television so what my point
is television’s dying because we’re giving people more choices channels are breaking down its rhetoric
masses going away what do we want people to do with the time they’re not spending
watching Happy Days just watching TV which is stunning to me but my argument
is that people who are watching you and I talk by Bryce and John at then end the
cycle already knows I’m about to say they have the ability to make a dent in
the univers hundred-percent we gave them a platform they can use to 200% and they
think that they’re advancing their cause by using various social media networks
the way that they are optimized to be used in my argument is there not that
I’m super glad that the musicians of the sixties that went way out on an edge
worried seduced by just sitting there listening to people’s records all day
they decided to make pitches before they decided to make so train coming or
whatever it is they went outside thing to say this is my work and the problem I
have with the people who are just saying me too plus plus they think they’re
doing their job they’re not doing their job they’re hiding from their job their
job is to create a body of work that are into trust you know that that’s
interesting but let’s let’s let’s go a little bit deeper sort of like this don’t you believe when
you’re saying plus + and this other thing don’t you believe that that is
exactly mapping the people that didn’t just like not everybody is going to make
great bodies of work a true ok go ahead you think they’re born that way know the people everyone who makes great
work was born naked unable to read and proven in their diapers right somewhere
along the way you make a decision you make an investment you go forward and if
we look we see that it used to be that John Hammond would pick you and you
would become a famous recording artists yes I saw the pictures are gone and so
now the building number of people who are picking themselves going up what im
saying my only point in this case is this if you find it at the end of the
day you could say I did a really good job and my social media universe is
clean and taking care of and that’s all you have to point to today I don’t think
that’s a good day and what i’m saying is that we pimps Magee who has that 2.2 in
1974 had that same thing to point him better she had the chance to do better
so what you’re saying is that everybody can go to Yankee Stadium today hit the
bat on people and take a swing which is different than giving up just yet just
let it can’t ever heard that from a political numbers are different the
intellectual endeavors for sure so when you’re saying is everybody has the same
capacity to learn you know what i’m saying is what we define as athletic
endeavors he is one axis but I could say for example if your caregiver for senior
citizens are struggling with alzheimers yes you were capable of looking at
person in the odds with empathy and infection in a way that changes that
tell me how you develop empathy tell me well you change the topic with you
because you just said I can teach me how to be a caregiver that’s gonna any
conduct we meet on los Mande and the and the you can teach the teacher I can
teach Andy yes to do I can’t ever teach him to hit a home run ok I can teach introduced something with
his voice as hard as you can teach them at home running at the same but you can
teach him to be the best version of a baseball player that he can be in the
same way that you can well that’s a whole different conversation that’s
coming up trying to have no not true not true because what’s what’s most
interesting to me is there is no economic situation that Sally pence
McGee could be focusing more time on something else besides liking buttons on
that ok do you agree with me that silly pants McGee would probably likely in
1984 to be sitting and watching well that’s what I’m say right now I’m saying
nothing changed the places that people are deploying their energy my family
liking something Instagram Facebook is a way to hide from
the productive thing she could be exposing yourself to productive thing is
scary you think you think she’s she’s gotten
to a place where that makes her feel better and that we’ve tricked people and
people drink themselves to be a part of something versus when they sat on the
couch know when they sat on the couch the entire culture was in on it and it’s
similar what i’m saying is we didn’t build the internet so that YouTube
videos we built the internet isn’t on capitol videos escapism for somebody just like a
reading a good book escapism for you seriously I’m asking I know people
around the world have something they really need to escape from the people
who are watching this much less fine I would argue and agree with you that
people have much bigger headaches then but the reality is that somebody’s
watching this has their micro version of what they think they’re skipping from I
sit here everyday and yell and say look if you’re white male in america Jesus
Christ you want about winning the lottery you want so I’m with you on that what what I’m fascinated entertaining
there’s nothing wrong people think cats just just acknowledge
you’re entertaining yourself you’re not doing your job that’s the only thing I’m
trying to put the question to India was what I’m doing my from India was when
I’m doing my job why are they using the other forms of
social media the answer is a quote you find what you want job but Neil Gaiman
has said is the way he deals with writers block has written a book in need
to do is he makes himself super bored he eliminates all input and so into you so
bored the only way to entertain himself is to right are you saying that one of
the big KPI’s for you just think the blog was not getting all that stimulus
in allowing you to create more forcing me to say either I did nothing today or
make something worthwhile that there are days when I will answer nothing but
email and I feel horrible at the end of the day cuz I don’t believe that the
product meets let me tell you what the most interesting part of this last 45
minutes was for me self-awareness for himself and I think
that to me is the most interesting part of what just happened like to me that
speaks to really understand yourself and positioning yourself in the best
position to succeed based on the successful contributors / artist I know
are similar so for me I need chaos like I just walked here I just walked into my
office lol laugh it was so quiet I started yelling at everybody I can’t get
into my place without all the employees are aware this is key it is but if we
look at most of the people who are showing up in my box and you’re about to
say what I do know what I do they’re copying pattern yes social media without
being aware of the tribes well I’m the question without being aware that
those patterns are sabotaging their mother pushing for you when a winner
when is it right when it arrived in that first try nothing see what happened if
you were forced to eat level up not by getting in but to level up by standing
out by saying something important 25 just sitting at home thinking it’s one of the funniest things about how I
go about things is I don’t want to read anybody else’s things I don’t consume
anything else because it puts me in that it’s really not even like I’m crazy that
way but I don’t want to consume anything cuz I just like observing people in
whatever format the real world digital world to be able to just do my thing cuz
that’s what makes me comfortable in analyzing it so it’s a little bit of
like it’s interesting so the way to the way we built the author MBA which is
cool I guess is it’s 28 days and there’s an enormous amount to do yes with your
name on it in public and commenting substantially with your name on it on
other people’s work like a repeat cycle repeats 1314 assignments before we do
some people struggled with that system everyone does that’s what it’s for you
if you if I sent you to Ranger School you’re going to struggle if I send you
to tightrope circus school you’re going to struggle that learning is hard that’s
why the dropout rate on online courses at 98% yes and the reason is because as
soon as it gets hard and it has to have you learned something you quit when
people are mad at watching my content because I talk about hard work and they
don’t want to hear that they want to see what the secret Asst you know what’s funny about that India
thank you brother because that’s what it is referring to I need to be accountable
to somebody I think about what triggered that game I needed to be accountable
somebody else besides myself India last one John asked what does
something we both disagree on i mean i

example 9 p.m. phone calls and
micromanaging asking for a friend Fred Nikki look i I don’t know I think a lot
has to do with you one of the great things that I’ve done steve is Steve you
know a lot of people here but steep steve was never afraid to kind of give
his point of view I think that I’m just scratching his own it’s worth it when
the point of you made no sense but but but him and I quite agree cadence where
and and this is something I try to do with everybody and the truth is of the
650 feel that comfort zone to be able to say to me like hey you’re wrong degree or this and that it’s up to the
manager and the CEO and the leader to create a comfort zone to create that
kind of conversation the truth is if this boss hasn’t which most and I and I
do recognize that then you just gotta either roll the dice and hope it goes
well I think he’s got if your gonna go to a boss and gonna say hey you stink I
do think coming with honey before you come with vinegar really matters i
really think the first taste of a conversation is quite remarkably
important I do think first impressions matter I think first impressions in a
micro-level a conversation matter I often had you think you guys have all
been on the receiving end of this or maybe not everybody but like if I’m
delivering bad news or like I want a little tweak its usually start with I
love you but more like you really crushing this it’s coming up expensive
like I think it’s important I think you gotta say look I empathy for your
managing a lot of things you might be the only person but anything you can do
to college that you have empathy to their situation a lot of times this is
the case I mean this is a big big common thing hey manager Stefan like I know
that you have tough managers of the view that are probably forcing a lot of you
or you know actions but I’m being affected by it how do we like this is a
problem so look the only thing that solves conflict is communication it
justice like justice like and so either you get
an and honestly this is a very weird thing to say I would also in parallel if
it’s killing you if you’re super unhappy if you wake up every morning dreading
going to work I wouldn’t parallel start creating some options for yourself
whether you want to jump into entrepreneur land or work somewhere else
just something that if it goes completely terrible like you know the
boss like fuck you in a week later you’re fired that you have some hedge because i dont
give advise him like I’m getting e-mails in a month like you got me fire like you
know give that some thought as well but there is only one answer I’ve given you
some context for it I could have made it nation short its communication you just
have to talk to the person about it there’s just nothing else you know what I like I like that i said
im snapshot like sending your questions

and what that means to you, and
how that personal definition affects your relationships. – That’s a very good question. I actually, this one is
actually very easy for me. It’s something that I got to in my mind. Love is very easy for me. Love, to me, is actually
shifting your brain or your feelings into
a place where you value the other person more than yourself. Like, the people that I love, I truly, truly, in general, I’m a
pretty empathetic, like, you know, really care
about the other person’s point of view, and how do I bring value, but that whole 51 49
thing that I talk about from a business standpoint, which, a lot of you know what I’m referring to, but people that are
watching for the first time, or others that don’t know is,
hey, give 51% of the value in the relationship, you’ll always win. When it comes to the people that I love, I’m very comfortable in being at 100 zero. When I make that shift, when
I fell in love with Lizzie, to my kids, my parents, my siblings, Brandon, my best friend
who runs Wine Library, those core couple of people
that I would say I love, I’m very comfortable in providing the entire value in the relationship. That, it’s crazy, the more I love you, and this has actually been something that I’ve struggled with in my life, but it is absolutely how I define love. The more I love you down the chain is the more that I, is the level of which I want less from you. So, like, the people I love the most, I literally don’t want anything from. I wanna provide so much
disproportionate value, I want to never make myself a burden or something they think
they need to deliver on, and I want it to be, I wanna
be the first person they call, and the person that they most rely on, and trust in the world. And as my love goes down, that
goes down to just maybe even. That’s how I define it.

on how to get out of his mess. What would you tell him? (laughs) – Ugh, this is tough. You know what’s funny? I actually had a very interesting moment with myself yesterday. Obviously, maybe some of you
saw this picture (fingers snap) And a lot of people then put out, did Gary Vee pay the
plane to fly over Boston and say look up cheaters? And it was funny, I was sitting
there and I had very, very– I’mma tell you guys a story. In 2008, in the midst of
Wine Library TV exploding, it was the first time that I
was starting to get attention at any kind of level
outside of a small circle. I don’t know if it was an
article or a conversation, I don’t remember. But I read something about the notion of that person or this story
I read was talking about becoming a caricature of yourself. And it really hit me, and
I was saying to myself, huh, am I forcing the narrative? Am I becoming more hyperbolized? More energetic? More intense? To pander to what the
audience is giving me. Am I becoming a caricature of myself? And I don’t know if I’ve ever
really answered it, right. It was very difficult for
somebody that’s really in tune, I was really struggling to
unpeel the banana and be like, Am I? Am I? It’s interesting. What if it really happened, right? We just had a famous athlete
ask a question one second ago. What if Tom Brady hit me up and asked me? Would I be like, “Oh, Tom I wish you’re leg fell off your body.” The answer’s no, I’m not that human right. And the truth is, it’s actually
very hard for me to be upset with an athlete, even
though that’s where I get sports muscles aka you guys know what beer muscles are right? Somebody get’s drunk and they wanna fight. I get sports muscles. I’m at a sporting event, I wanna fight. But outside of it, especially right now in non football season, I feel like I’m almost
becoming a caricature of myself outside the football environment
of hating the Patriots and it was really interesting. I literally thought about that yesterday. So, being honest with myself, if he hit me up and asked me a question, I’d probably give him the best
sound advice that I could. And I’d try, ’cause
there’s still a good part– as I was just about to say that (laughs) there was a part of my… (laughs) There’s a part of me is
like, “This is the moment where I can finally put
the nail in the coffin and sabotage him.” I mean, the truth is he’s getting close to the end of his career. It’s funny, Kobe, hated him my whole life. Like just hated him, sorry. But now I kinda root for him
because he’s an underdog. I love underdogs, right. And I think Tom is the complete
and utter reverse of that in our society today and in my division. So it makes me very easy to dislike him. Look, he destroyed his phone, systematically to conceal the evidence. Nobody in public domain,
no matter what he does is going to believe him. So many people over and
over talk about the fact that people don’t care
that much about the crime, they care about the coverup. It’s unbelievable what America does with the coverup versus the actual crime. Literally probably right up to
where it gets to the ultimate like a murder, I don’t
think we’re like, all right. But underneath that, I mean there’s like– I don’t need to say ’em out loud. There’s four to five things
in society that can be done where the issue is the issue. But boy, all those
thousands of other things they’re actually things
we’re more than willing to let go away because
we have all have empathy to know that we’re not
perfect and we all have our skeletons in our closets. It’s when you try to trick us after we, the collective United States, the collective world, have put you on such a pedestal and you’ve been rewarded with the riches that come along with that. And so I would say to him to have empathy and to understand why it’s happened. And I would probably tell
him, which ugh it sucks but this is what I’d tell him. I’d probably tell him look, the truth is, the more you fight this, the worst. The more you approach it with empathy, it is what it is. The chips have fallen. You’re probably too
emotional or passionate to apologize or admit. I don’t think you have to do that. I think you just have to go neutral for a long enough period of time and I don’t think anybody
cares 24 months ago– from now other than passionate Patriot and anti-Patriot fans that debate this for the rest of your career. Out of fondness of debating around sports. That’s probably what I would tell him.

Gary, which do you care about more? Interacting with people who
are your fans, who love you, or interacting with
people who don’t like you, who are haters? Where do you spend most of your time?” – Ah, Jay this is such, man, Jay is such a smart guy. Actually, you know what? Jay, you may take this is an insult. Jay’s a nicer guy than he is smart. Just a good dude. Jay, I think that there’s some interesting dynamics to this question. I would tell you, me, 2006 until 2013, I would have answered, the haters. You know me, I love the climb. I love the challenge of converting. I also very much believe I’m a good dude. So many people didn’t think
I was on their first impact because they thought I had too much ego. Or I cursed. Those would be the two things
that most turned people off when they’re first interacting with me. Many of you felt that about me. As matter fact, leave that in the comments if you were one of them. As somebody who, the cursing
really was standoffish or this guy thinks he’s
the greatest of all time. It’s been interesting if you watch people that are commenting over
the last couple of episodes, ‘specially in this golden era,
you’ll see a lot of people talking about how humble you are and I laugh because I know
so many people would see that and be like, pfft what? You start getting to see the
layers as they go over time and that’s why I always say I’m gonna win in the course of a marathon. I really, really was all about the haters. All the negative reviews on this, I went, the first hundred bad and replied to and engaged with. And then something switched. And then I said, you know
what, I’m disproportionately spending my time on the converted, versus all these wonderful people, that are giving me these nice accolades and comments and so many of you know, especially in Facebook because everybody that’s been
sharing these episodes and then commenting, I
been jumping in randomly and saying thank you
because I’m so thankful. Somebody said to share this, by the way that’s a subtle cue
to have every single person who’s watching this right
now, share it on Facebook. Everybody that’s sharing it
and getting their friends to see this and bringing me new audience, that’s incredible, versus somebody saying, you’re a douche bag. I need to reward that
behavior because they get happy with the engagement too, so I think I’m in a much better balance. I would even say that I’m
probably 80% the positive, 20% the negative, but
I’m still very committed. It’s just maybe because,
knock on wood, the new show is a format that is leading
to more people liking me. The keynotes are so brash. The one-off rants are so brash that if that’s the first impact, but the show has a different
tone to it that allows more, I’m far more consumable if the
first thing that you ever saw was this show versus, especially depending
on the first question, I still got that in me. So I would say both. I think both matter tremendously. I’m so disappointed in my
contemporaries and friends who disregard and just label
anybody that just disagrees with them a hater. I actually fully understand
why people disagree with me. I have very narrow views,
as a matter of fact, that are completely predicated on where I think the market’s going which are not very
clear to everybody else. I’ve got nothing but confidence. Confidence for days, with like four Z’s. I’ve got confidence for days. I communicate in a certain style. It’s very East Coast. It’s Jersey in the house. I understand. I hate Patriot fans,
fucking hate you guys. You know, I get that. That’s not feels nice if
you like watching this you’re a Patriot fan, like
oh, wait Gary, hits me weird. I got my dynamics. But what it all really comes
down to is everybody matters, and I have enormous empathy
to why people disagree or might be put off by me
in the beginning and I think that they absolutely deserve
my attention just as much as somebody who says I’m
the greatest of all time. I like all people whether
they agree with me or not. Whether they think I’m a dick or not. It’s just all very understandable for me and I also feel extremely at peace to where this all vets
out in our relationship. That’s it, cool.