– Yes. – and if you can
give me, I don’t know, quick three–
– Yep. – things to help build
their self-confidence I’d appreciate it. – So, here’s, you know, I’m really trying to
figure out this answer. So let me give just a whole
diarrhea of the mouth of like the things that run
through my mind, okay? – [Alenna] Okay. Shoot. – The first
thing my mom did talk, I’ll talk about things my mom
and I’ll talk about some of the ways I interpret it now that
I have other things that I’ve looked at and thought
about and having my own kids. She over-exaggerated when I did very kind
and noble things. Like when I opened the
door for a woman at McDonald’s, I’ll never forget this in
North Brunswick when I opened a door for this woman when
I was like eight and was just being polite and
like she treated it as if I won the Nobel Peace Prize. So she went ballistic over
the top on me being kind and empathetic and respectful and so that was huge. The other thing she did was she
never did that though when it was an actual life thing. So like when my
baseball team lost, my baseball team lost. When I got D’s and F’s on my
report card even though she knew I was going to be successful,
she punished me. So she didn’t give out eighth
place trophies in a world where that would be the way
the world worked, right? – [Alenna] Right. – But she just genuinely made me
feel like I was unstoppable and like was capable of
anything that I wanted to do and she believed it and
because she believed it and she instilled it constantly. It was constant offense, right? And so I just think that you
need to look at your three kids, you need to audit them, you need
to figure out what their strong at and you need to make 98%
of the conversation around the things that they’re strong at.
– [Alenna] Awesome. – Instead of doing
what was almost most every other parent does which is
spend 85% on the 2% they’re not, spend 98% on what they are. – [Alenna] Love it.
Awesome. – Every parent worries
about some kid trying like, “You need to be
better at math, Sally.” No she doesn’t. Do you know what I mean?
She needs to be capable. You’d probably like your
kids to be able to count, right? – [Alenna] Right. – But they don’t need to
be a fucking geometry whiz. Especially if they gravitate
towards humming 28 hours a day. (DRock laughs) Do you know what I mean?
– [Alenna] Yes. Absolutely! – Do me a favor,
don’t listen to, the biggest thing
that hurts parents is they listen to other parents. They listen to other teachers. They listen to the market and those people
don’t know your kids. It’s you and your
kids against the world, do you understand?
– [Alenna] Right. – And too many parents think it’s the world
versus their kids. – [Alenna] Well said.
– Yeah. So that’s it audit them. Really try to figure them
out and don’t think of cliches of like they spend all
their time on the phone, good news,
the phones the future of the way everything
will work in life. – [Alenna] (laughs) Yeah. – Do you know what I mean?
– [Alenna] Absolutely. – But make them respect if
you’re going to give them that gift of tripling down on their
strengths and allowing them to flourish in the world, make
them respect the alternatives. They don’t have to
pander to it but they have to understand why it exists. Some kids need school structure. Some kids aren’t gonna
be whiz kid entrepreneurs. Some kids path is to become
a lawyer make $130,000 a year. Some kids, geez, some kids are
just gonna make $40,000 a year and work at Walmart and that’s
okay too but they need to get a high school
degree to get that job. Know your kid and make every one of your kids feel great about
what they’re gonna be. AJ felt great ’cause he was
the best student in the family. I felt great because I was the most entrepreneurial
and charismatic. My sister felt great because she
was absolutely the feistiness and had the strongest will. Make them feel
great about their thing, don’t make them feel bad that
they’re not the star athlete or the nerdiest or can make money. Just build self-esteem. – [Alenna] Yeah,
let them teach us. – 100%. But as long as
they understand, you know, checks and balances.
Got it? – [Alenna] Yep, got it.

I’m a dad and I’m wondering
what’s one of the biggest life events or especially events that
you had to miss (child babbling) due to your commitment to
the work but how’d you (child babbling) and how
did you overcome? Thanks man. – You know, Ernest, first of
all, that what was remarkable and about as
adorable as it gets. Ernest, you know I haven’t
missed anything, I missed some you know school plays. I haven’t missed any, no birth,
I would never miss a birthday. There hasn’t been
a signature event. They’re seven and four. There hasn’t been, you
know, Xander’s bris. That would be insane to me to
miss anything of that nature. I guess we all have different
scale of what’s important. There’s dads out there who
would never in the world miss a baseball game of
their son, ever. I would. I just don’t think the fifth
game in a season for Xander if something that is remarkable for
me and Xander, my family’s life is coming that place. I wouldn’t miss Xander’s
fifth baseball game for a big meeting or a new client. Would I miss it for the
opportunity to close a $78 million deal for our family? Yes, I would.
I just would. And I know one would
say well that’s money. Yeah, but but would I miss
Xander’s championship game after he played baseball every day of
his life for nine years and it was his number one
passion in the world to close a $78 million deal? I don’t know, it’s closer. I wouldn’t say definitely not. I just don’t know,
I mean I don’t know. First of all, if Xander was 13,
Xander at 13 after watching all my business YouTube videos
might want me, I don’t know. Here’s what I would say,
Ernest and everybody else, first and foremost, I would
never judge anybody else’s parenting or process. I have the greatest
relationships in world with my parents and I a lot of things
that were done differently than others and I think we all have. But knock on wood, I think
there’s a far more interesting question maybe
5 to 7 years from now. So far, I’m rolling. There’s been nothing even
remotely intense that I can think of that I’ve missed. They’ve been micro little play
this, play that, you know, last day of school like
a teacher conference. Yeah, there’s been a couple
little things that are like kind of lightweight. They’re also very, very young
right now but so far nothing. I haven’t had to pick. Everything that I felt, I missed
a lot of business things that are solid business things that
I’ve missed because I wanted to be there for the first day
of school or you know the Tot Shabbat day that’s the one
time Xander gets to do that in little Temple Israel
school that he went to. There’s single little things like that but it’s
weighing things. It’s weighing things and I’m not
crippled by the current state of political correctness of how
you parent because news alert, my friends, it’s going to be
different in 15 years and it was different 15 years ago. Yeah, thank you. – Tot Shabbat?
– Tot Shabbat is cute.

– [Voiceover] Ben asks, “Would
you consider adopting children?” – [India] That is
a real question. – That is a real question, Ben. I sent that you, India, because
of an something on my mind for a long period of time time. And Lizzie would tell you this
is something that I’ve brought up and I think she thinks
I’m joking at times and probably not as much. Somewhere around five or six
years ago I had a real kind of lightning feeling
that I should adopt. That I am exactly the
emotionally strong financially situated person that is
put on earth to adopt. And the truth is when
you’re in a relationship it’s a partnership and so I can’t
impose my will or my wants or my needs on Lizzie without being
completely aligned on it but I have wanted a top to adopt
the last five or six years. It’s something that is
in me and it’s something I think about a lot. I do. I’m fascinated by the
whole thing and I’m very undereducated. I know there’s a huge process. I’m undereducated on
how many kids need it. I’m sure there’s very big
difference in data of Eastern European or Asian kids,
American kids, poor families, minorities,
girls, boys. There’s so many enormously
complicated issues but for me I don’t know there’s something
just in my stomach that feels that I can help that I’m built
for it and it’s been something that’s been in my
mind for a long time. But before all the comments come
in and be like you should get Lizzie to do it.
This is such a personal thing. I know absolutely devastatingly
awful adoption stories. Personally. And so I’ve empathy
for spouses who one wants to and one doesn’t. I don’t think I don’t think I’m
the noble one or the good one. But no question the reason
I sent that to you is it is something that
I’ve wanted to do. And I’ve been curious about why. I think about it
quite a bit actually. Probably two or three times a
year I have a good think on it. It’s been an
interesting pillar for me. One of my best friends, my
best friend growing up, Robbie Turnick was adopted so I
think I’ve been around it and comfortable with
it for a long time. That’s it. Yeah. Have you ever thought about? – [India] Yeah. – But you’re in such a,
you’re not even married yet. You haven’t even
started your own family. You know. And I thought about it my 20s but it got interesting
as I got older. – I think it’s ’cause I know
a lot of adopted kids too. – [Gary] You do, yeah? Yeah, is that right? Staphon? – [Staphon] I haven’t
thought about it much. – You don’t think
about shit, huh? – [Staphon] I do
think about shit– – You’re just a
20-year-old dude. You think about
hooking up and basketball. – I learn from you.
(all laughing) – [India] BSU, BSU, BSU.
– Let’s do it. – [India] From Joshua.
– Joshua.

hey Gary be my son loves digital media
and stuff they want to be producers any advice for why John its ok left unspoken
I think that the number one piece of advice I can give you is make them feel
like they can actually do it if that’s what they want to do you their parent
creating that permission for you to say yes you can is real now no wait please trophies yes
you can but when they put out something and everybody on youtube says it sucks
you look at them and say the market said you suck let’s try again with this
balance of I completely believe you can but let the results be the results don’t
think the result I actually see more unbelievable how bad people are
appearing I’m not kidding I’m really this is a real hot button issue for me
like this could be the transition of my career I really think perfectly parent
did what I write it transitions my career I really do because I’m
passionate about this like I’m getting closer and I’ve six-year-old daughter in
a meeting other parents are not calling out any parents I know if you’re
watching but i picking up on some things and I’ll
tell you I hate how many people were bursts it I watch a lot of parents that
are like literally like soccer like gonna be ok you know johnny is really
good no self-esteem building and then they play they lose nothing to me like a
great job of what I want which is like India you can be the greatest operator
of a museum in the history of all time and then you have to first exhibit if it
doesn’t go oh look it didn’t go well and let’s let’s backtrack and figure out why
and then I would defer my little indie I knew how she likes to read her book of
like the guy who the girl who started three businesses and failed but then in
the fourth one figured out the learnings from the three killed it like the kFC
Guy encouragement matters but reality matters just as much and you have to
create friction amongst those tuned to create the perfect storm for the young
and moldable minds and all the Baltimore mines was standing right I need comments
back to Boston on Friday let me be back