#AskGaryVee Episode 236: Parenting for Self-esteem, Dealing with Confrontation & Moving to Florida

confrontation with people
whenever you aren’t really sure. So like, for example– – Yeah, let’s go
right to the details. – [Matt] Yeah, for an example,
I’ve had issue before where a best friend and my
current girlfriend got into an argument together.
– Yep. – [Matt] And it
just tore me apart. I didn’t know how to
deal with something like that. – Yeah, so I think, one thing
that I’ll jump in because I want to get some other calls in. I will say this. I think it’s
important for the people, so the people around me know
that confrontation that has no value is a deal breaker for me. It was funny what raced
through my head which is both my girlfriend and my best
friend wouldn’t have liked the way I would have dealt
with it if it was not valid. If they were just,
you guys are young people, if it was just dumb shit that we
were complaining about or having a real confrontation about,
I would have leveled up, I would have had one
conversation with both and said, “Why are we fighting over
our trip to Disney together?” Like if it’s
completely meaningless, I would have created the
context that it’s meaningless. If it was something
serious, then I would have, I’d made a decision on what
I believe and the truth is the way I deal with confrontation
and something you should think about is I think it’s a
strength to not want to have negativity in your life
and so I deal with it with one conversation and it’s a one
strike policy on confrontation with me in a world where I have
80 strikes in everything else. And if they’re not able to
adjust to what matters to me in that then I just kind of move
on and I mean that by the way. – [Matt] Dude, yeah.
No, 100%. – Just be fair
with them, be fair, be empathetic but literally
unless you’re madly deeply in love and she’s the
girl that you have to marry. Like I’m very
aggressive with my friends. I didn’t lose friendships
over this by the way. This is a line in the sand that
I created and so people realized they had to level up
their emotional intelligence and actually what they cared about
if they wanted to be around me. I really pressured my inner
circle to care about things that mattered because so much shit is
bad if you’re willing to think about it that way or it’s great
if you’re willing to think about it that way. (crosstalk)
Go ahead. – [Matt] It’s ridiculous.
– Yeah, of course. – [Matt] …the adult world
because they don’t have that higher level thinking–
– Hey, hey, hey. I have real bad
news for you, youngster. – [Matt] Let’s hear it. – The college
mentality trickles into 30, 40, 50, 60 and 70-year-olds. Just ’cause they’re older
doesn’t mean they’re any smarter about the way the
world really works. – [Matt] You’re so right. – Alright, man, take care. Love ya, see ya, bye. Alright, give me another number. I mean that’s it, DRock. You know, actually in these
breaks on The #AskGaryVee Show as they set up the call it’s a
good opportunity for me to just not interact with the
person but add the bow. So here’s what it is my friends,
whether running a business, whether running your
relationships one of the things that’s been fascinating to me
is watching the evolution of the people that are closest
to me including this team. Like watching Courtney evolve
over next year is going to be super fascinating because I’m so
aggressive around the emotional things that I care about. Tyler, you care way less about things than
you used to, right? And you’re pretty and you
have that skill naturally. Oh, we got somebody.
– [Chris] No. – ‘Kay. Get your
shit together, youngster. But you have to, I assume
you have to now put things into context better than you did even though that was a
strength of yours. Why? – Because there’s just not time
for shit that doesn’t matter. – You just can’t even get to it.
– Yeah. It’s just you realize what
you should spend your time and energy on and what you shouldn’t and 99% of the
stuff just doesn’t matter. – I love the quotes.
I love the quotes. I mean it is. There is that piece of content
that I put out that 99% of things don’t matter and
everybody hits me up in the comments and talks
about what do you mean? That’s what I mean. I mean you would be
flabbergasted if you gave a lot of thought to how much time you
spend on things that at a macro level aren’t bringing any
value and I want to belittle the argument or the confrontation
that a girlfriend or best friend at 20, you ready? At 22 have with
each other but I just, – Yo, this is GaryVee and
you’re on The #AskGaryVee Show.

this is a pricing question. Would you go strictly
with trying to compete? How do you get that start
up number if you’re offering services or a product? Just go try to be
cheaper with the competition? If you have a better product? What’s you’re thought on that?
– Yes. (silence) Do you understand? – [Carlos] Yeah.
Completely. I got it. – All of it.
All of it, my friend. Like everybody
always asked me, “Gary, I’m just starting out and “I’ve got nothing
and no business. “Should I this and should
I that? Or should I do this?” And the answer is yes, my man. If you are building a business
that you want to build and you want to support your life and
family and have all the riches that entrepreneurship
requires, well then you need to spend 18 hours a day… It is a good idea to
have a better product? Yes. Is a good idea to have a
service at a lower price than your competitors to give
the person that is actually financially conscious the
ability to go with you? Yes. Is it better for you to
cold call 97 people versus 6? Yes. Is it better for you to produce
great content that reaches people through virality that is
better than your competition so they know about your service? Yes. Is it better to hit up your
grandfather ’cause he’s friends with this guy who’s got a
business in the space that you’re trying to reach? Yes. Is it better to put your phone
number on Instagram Live to get on The #AskGaryVee
Show to get an answers? Yes. – [Carlos] Everything goes, it just like loving
where everything goes. – Let me give you a
really good piece of advice and we’re gonna end it on this. Never say no for the other guy. It’s the best
thing I ever told AJ. Don’t make a decision for the
other side of the table of why they’re going to say no. Just do everything
and then let them say yes to the thing that they like. – [Carlos] That’s the
answer that I was looking for. Thank you so much. – And by the way, my friend,
when you pitch people mix it up. Sometimes come
in with a lower price, sometimes come in with bravado,
sometimes come in with humility. When you actually try
to get to 97 people and you get 17 meetings,
you actually get the chance to try 17 different moves. If you’re like 99% of people and
overthink everything and have one meeting a
month and one at-bat, you don’t get the chances to try
the different shit that might actually unlock
what the real answer was. – [Carlos] So you try to
get out there all the time– – In life. In life. If you have 97 chances
and 11 people say yes, that’s the game. Everybody’s trying to play
a game of I’m gonna get three chances and get three people to
say yes and then three people say no and they cripple
like a bunch of bitches. – [Carlos] Yeah. – Got it?
– [Carlos] Got it. – Good. – [Carlos] Thank you so much.
– You’re welcome. And that’s it.
That’s the game. One thing I don’t understand so
many of you are just starting out your shit and
your fucking fancy. Everybody got real
fancy for having nothing. Like this entitlement
or you’re gonna have some perfect strategy,
it’s the grind. You know if he’s, of course,
he should come in cheaper. It’s a way for you like when you
have no reputation to get the get the gig including free. DRock, how much you
charge me for the first video? – [DRock] Zero.
– Bang! That’s it. You know Andy’s mom is making
fun of him for his salary. You know what I mean?
That’s it. You got to grind, right And?
– [Andy] You have to. – My friends made fun of me
for my salary in my 20s and 30s. You work all the time,
I make more money than you. Now what, dick?
(group laughter)

– Yes. – and if you can
give me, I don’t know, quick three–
– Yep. – things to help build
their self-confidence I’d appreciate it. – So, here’s, you know, I’m really trying to
figure out this answer. So let me give just a whole
diarrhea of the mouth of like the things that run
through my mind, okay? – [Alenna] Okay. Shoot. – The first
thing my mom did talk, I’ll talk about things my mom
and I’ll talk about some of the ways I interpret it now that
I have other things that I’ve looked at and thought
about and having my own kids. She over-exaggerated when I did very kind
and noble things. Like when I opened the
door for a woman at McDonald’s, I’ll never forget this in
North Brunswick when I opened a door for this woman when
I was like eight and was just being polite and
like she treated it as if I won the Nobel Peace Prize. So she went ballistic over
the top on me being kind and empathetic and respectful and so that was huge. The other thing she did was she
never did that though when it was an actual life thing. So like when my
baseball team lost, my baseball team lost. When I got D’s and F’s on my
report card even though she knew I was going to be successful,
she punished me. So she didn’t give out eighth
place trophies in a world where that would be the way
the world worked, right? – [Alenna] Right. – But she just genuinely made me
feel like I was unstoppable and like was capable of
anything that I wanted to do and she believed it and
because she believed it and she instilled it constantly. It was constant offense, right? And so I just think that you
need to look at your three kids, you need to audit them, you need
to figure out what their strong at and you need to make 98%
of the conversation around the things that they’re strong at.
– [Alenna] Awesome. – Instead of doing
what was almost most every other parent does which is
spend 85% on the 2% they’re not, spend 98% on what they are. – [Alenna] Love it.
Awesome. – Every parent worries
about some kid trying like, “You need to be
better at math, Sally.” No she doesn’t. Do you know what I mean?
She needs to be capable. You’d probably like your
kids to be able to count, right? – [Alenna] Right. – But they don’t need to
be a fucking geometry whiz. Especially if they gravitate
towards humming 28 hours a day. (DRock laughs) Do you know what I mean?
– [Alenna] Yes. Absolutely! – Do me a favor,
don’t listen to, the biggest thing
that hurts parents is they listen to other parents. They listen to other teachers. They listen to the market and those people
don’t know your kids. It’s you and your
kids against the world, do you understand?
– [Alenna] Right. – And too many parents think it’s the world
versus their kids. – [Alenna] Well said.
– Yeah. So that’s it audit them. Really try to figure them
out and don’t think of cliches of like they spend all
their time on the phone, good news,
the phones the future of the way everything
will work in life. – [Alenna] (laughs) Yeah. – Do you know what I mean?
– [Alenna] Absolutely. – But make them respect if
you’re going to give them that gift of tripling down on their
strengths and allowing them to flourish in the world, make
them respect the alternatives. They don’t have to
pander to it but they have to understand why it exists. Some kids need school structure. Some kids aren’t gonna
be whiz kid entrepreneurs. Some kids path is to become
a lawyer make $130,000 a year. Some kids, geez, some kids are
just gonna make $40,000 a year and work at Walmart and that’s
okay too but they need to get a high school
degree to get that job. Know your kid and make every one of your kids feel great about
what they’re gonna be. AJ felt great ’cause he was
the best student in the family. I felt great because I was the most entrepreneurial
and charismatic. My sister felt great because she
was absolutely the feistiness and had the strongest will. Make them feel
great about their thing, don’t make them feel bad that
they’re not the star athlete or the nerdiest or can make money. Just build self-esteem. – [Alenna] Yeah,
let them teach us. – 100%. But as long as
they understand, you know, checks and balances.
Got it? – [Alenna] Yep, got it.

It’s going really good. – Is detailing like
car stuff you mean? – [Roberto] Yeah.
– Okay, keep going. – [Roberto] I deal with a lot of
high end cars doing coatings and stuff like that.
– Yep. – [Roberto] And it’s
really growing quickly. The only thing is during
the winter it slows down a lot so I was trying to–
– How old are you? – [Roberto] figure out how…
I’m 26. – Are you married?
– [Roberto] No. – Good, go to
Florida in the summer, in the winter.
– [Roberto] Okay. I’ve thought about
that also but– – Don’t think. – [Roberto] I have a
lot of clients out here. – Well, of course.
Build clients in Florida now. – [Roberto] I’ve thought about
trying to attack other things. – By the way, by the way,
and here’s what the great thing about this show and
having a call-in show. Like if this was just
something we took from Twitter, that’d be my answer and we’d
all move on in our merry way but this is why I like the call-in
because let’s keep talking. Do you want to do, listen, flip shit on eBay
and Craigslist and Etsy. You can make $50K. I don’t know, like, it depends. If you want to triple down
on your detailing capabilities, build a brand during the winter
months in Arizona or Florida and actually go down there and
live in an airBnB at first or whatever and figure
it out and hustle and grind the same way you did. If you are okay with having
other entrepreneurial things during those winter months,
you’re more than welcome to, I don’t know, start a snow
removal business or a winter landscaping strategy business or buying stuff
at the Dollar Store and flipping if for $9. The truth is
reverse engineer yourself. If it’s going really well,
a couple things are going. The word of mouth is kicking
in which means that you actual detail very well
and you have that skill. I mean do you love detailing? – [Roberto] Of course, I do. – No, no, but do
you really love it? – [Roberto] No,
yeah, I really do. – Dude, I’ve got to be honest. – [Roberto] It’s what I’ve
been doing for a while now. – So let me tell you, Roberto,
I think a lot of people don’t think macro enough and it
doesn’t even cross their mind to actually go live somewhere else
for four months of the year. I know how that’s weird but in the days of airBnB and
the days of Craigslist. These were decisions that were
made years ago pre-internet when it was hard to have
somebody live in your house for four months and you had a mortgage. Dude, do you know
that you can actually, if you were really good at this,
and if you’re here right now that means you’re
paying attention to me. Let me give you
a real good piece, do you rent an apartment? What’s your living situation? – [Roberto] Yeah,
I’m renting right now. – Dude, the fact that you could
probably re-rent your apartment to somebody for four months
using airBnB or other things, I know there’s laws and all
that but stick with me here. Where do you live? – [Roberto] New York,
center of New York. – Got it. The fact that you could do that,
take the profit and then pay for your living situation in a warm
weather place where the numbers are different that covers your
entire cost and it’s all upside for you to grind and continue
your craft 12 months a year, do you know how good that is? – [Roberto] Yeah, I’ve actually
been thinking about that but never took action on it. – Yeah, dude, why do you
think so many people lose? Everybody’s got comments. It’s real fun to leave
your two fucking cents on my Instagram post. How about the people
that are actually doing shit? – [Roberto] Yeah.
– So fuckin’ go. – [Roberto] Alright.
– No, don’t alright me. Will you promise me as a
man, handshake to handshake over a telephone call,
that you’re going to do it? – [Roberto] Oh, definitely.
I definitely will. I’ve had plans already,
been thinking about it. I’ve been following
up with people. – Do it. – [Roberto] So, it’s
definitely something I’ve thought about but–
– Actually, you know what? Now, I’ve got vested interest. I’ve gotten
emotional about this. What’s been holding you,
like be straight honest with me, what has held you
back from doing it? – [Roberto] What held me back
was me trying to build it here. Like even more. Like getting more clients
so getting into a bigger shop. And I’ve also been working with
trying to move that into houses. The coating
basically protects the car, it’s like a glass
hard once it cures. – I see. – [Roberto] What they do is
trying to install that in houses so that’s what I’m
trying to figure out right now. – Listen, by the way,
I’m not against that either. Just weigh the options of take
this winter, we’re in it now, like hang up the
phone and get to action. Make a binary decision, are you
going all in on trying to go to houses and like work your ass
off knocking on doors trying to get people to do it, running
Facebook Ads or are you gonna get down to Florida or
Arizona on February 1st and take three months and do it there. Just make a decision. Do me a favor, just don’t think. Think one time, for one hour,
make a decision, and go. – [Roberto] You got it.
– Alright, brother. Roberto, I’m
telling you right now I’m saving this phone number. I’m gonna track you. If I fucking see your ass
pondering on February 17th, I’m gonna lose my shit. – [Roberto] (laughs) Alright. – I’m gonna block you to not
allow you to consume anything I put out.
– [Roberto] You got it. – Alright, brother.
I like this show.